Responsible Gun Owner Shoots Off His Penis, May Face Jail Time

in Daily New Bite/Guns/News/Republican Stupidity by

Cedrick Jelks of Jacksonville, Florida had a mishap with a handgun recently.  He was home with his girlfriend, Shaneika Roberts. She was inside while he was outside in the car doing, what we can only assume, very responsible things with his gun. She realized something had gone horribly wrong when he ran back into the house in a panic, screaming that he had shot his penis off.

The story is that he sat on the gun and it went off. We are kind of wondering what he was doing in his parked car with a loaded handgun, obviously with the safety off. We think he was probably trying to rehearse some sweet moves and the jackass screwed up monumentally. His girlfriend rushed him to the emergency room. He had to have immediate emergency surgery to avoid being penis-less.

The police arrived at the hospital because procedure calls for an investigation into all shootings. It turned out that Mr. Jelks, the responsible gun owner, has a prior cocaine charge – a felony. Felons are not lawfully permitted to be in possession of a firearm. So, not only did Cedric lose part of his junk, he may end up serving more jail time losing his freedom, as well. The investigation will likely reveal that the idiot will serve some more time He broke the law while breaking his manhood (and any remaining pride he may possess).

Liberals are always accused of wanting to take away all the guns. While we do call for sensible gun laws, and common sense in regards to guns with large magazines, we know good gun owners exist. However, men like Cedric Jelks is not one of those.  Guns are not toys, they are weapons. Idiots should think twice before handling something with the power to take a life; even though idiots aren’t really known for their reasoning skills. The next person may lose more than a penis.

RELATED: We Bet This Ammosexual Really, REALLY Regrets Where He Put His Gun


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