Today, millions of white Republican voters will kneel in church today and hysterically pray to JAY-zus! to save Donald Trump from the Deep State Coup™ that threatens to remove him from office.
They’re not quite sure what is going on because the story keeps changing every few days. Sometimes every few hours. Hillary fabricated the Steele Dossier. Hillary was working with the Russians so she would lose the election. James Comey is working with Hillary and the Deep State. Robert Mueller is a spy. There’s a secret society. There’s not a secret a society. Trump tried to fire Mueller. Trump didn’t try to fire Mueller but if he did it’s not at all illegal. There are 50,000 text messages missing. Now there isn’t. Republicans have a memo that proves everything is a conspiracy but they won’t release it. Republicans are the loudest voices demanding the government (aka the Republicans) #ReleaseTheMemo.
But none of that matters! The Muslims/Gays/Feminazis/Obama/Hillary are trying to overthrow the government and please dear Baby Jesus, smite our enemies and Make America
White Great Again!
Meanwhile, Trump was, ahem, exposed for banging a porn star just a few months after his third mistress-turned wife gave birth to their son and not one of these pious hypocrites batted an eye. After all, Trump is giving them the legal authority to discriminate against gays and permission to indulge their racism so what’s a little infidelity between fellow bigots? Trump is doing God’s work here on Earth!
When this is all over and Trump has been vanquished like the plague he is, millions of white Republican voters are going to trip over themselves running to hide their #MAGA hats. They’re going to march in the streets against the new Democratic president in outrage, demanding we pretend they didn’t vote for a monster than set the country on fire. They will assume they can pull the Tea Party Shuffle again and be granted absolution for the horror they inflicted upon this nation.
They will be shocked and offended when instead of fawning press coverage, they’re met with hordes of pink pussy hats reminding them of who they really are and carving swastikas into their foreheads.
No backsies. No do-overs. No going back into the Nazi closet. 63 million monsters voted for a rabid animal so they could indulge their white rage and dreams of revenge on a country that gave power to a black man. They don’t get to wash the guilt away with a fucking tri-corn hat this time.
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