Texas Has More Dildo Laws Than It Does Gun Laws

in Daily New Bite/Law/Politics/Republican Stupidity by

If you ever wanted a picture of the screwed up nature of American gun politics and sexual politics, look no further than Texas. Why? I mean, it’s Texas. I could just end the article here and be done with it.

However, to clarify: according to the Houston Chronicle, there’s an old law on the books that bans the number of sex toys you can possess — but no such law concerning firearms can be found.


Related: Ammosexual Kills Self Taking A Selfie With His Gun


You may remember the protest around this time last year called “Cocks not Glocks.” That was in response to a statewide campus carry law allowing guns on campus while the University of Texas continued to ban sex toys.

The organizer of the protest, Jessica Jin, noted rather deftly on Facebook at the time:

You would receive a citation for taking a dildo to class before you would get in trouble for taking a gun to class.

However, Texas, then as today, has more laws on the books concerning largely harmless sex toys than it does concerning firearms. Specifically, the Chronical notes the 1973 law that makes it illegal to own “six or more obscene devices or identical or similar obscene articles.” It also makes possessing them with intent to promote “the same” illegal.

In 2007, everyone’s favorite punchable face, Ted Cruz — working on behalf of the state’s attorney general — tried to block sex toys to protect “public morality.” In a brief filed by Cruz’s team, it’s noted that:

There is no substantive-due-process right to stimulate one’s genitals for non-medical purposes unrelated to procreation or outside of an interpersonal relationship.

“Public morality” is mutually exclusive with “public safety,” though, because it’s our God-given right to own firearms, according to Cruz. Never mind there’s nothing about the Second Amendment that is “God-given” — unless you consider the slave owners, philanderers, and general rich privileged white guys who wrote it to be God.


Related: Ted Cruz Wants You To Know He Doesn’t Hate Dildos


The irony of this shouldn’t be lost on anyone. Like dildos, guns are a manufactured stand-in for a penis, although as Jin noted during the protest, dildos are “much safer for recreational play.” Clearly, Texans are only willing to tolerant two different types of manufactured dicks in large quantities: firearms and the ones running the state.

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