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The Ultimate Anti-Harassment Life Hack Has Arrived: ‘The Rock Test!’

in Daily New Bite/Humor/Laugh Wing Nation/Politics/Women's Health by

You can’t always count on the laboratories of the Internet to concoct anything particularly insightful, or that doesn’t break Rule 34 within a couple of mouse clicks. But over in the virtual blogger’s wasteland better known to the public as Medium, a young woman by the name of Anne Victoria Clark has developed an amazing formula for men to render their armies “nice guy” straw men into flesh.

Behold: The Rock Test!

From Harvey Weinstein to like all of Uber, it seems each day a wealthy and powerful man is being brought down by accusations of sexual harassment or assault. And just today the New York Times reported that men are becoming less likely to mentor females out of fear. […]

While navigating professional relationships can often require that dreaded thing known as “any amount of work at all”, there is hope. You see, by following this one simple rule, you too can interact with women as people.

It’s as clear cut as this: Treat all women like you would treat Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson.

I know, this sounds weird, but trust me, this is a visualization exercise that will work wonders in your dealings with the women in your workplace. When a woman approaches you, just replace her in your mind with The Rock. Then, behave accordingly.


RELATED: Fox Sports President Fired After Being Accused Of Sexual Harassment


You’re thinking to yourself, “It couldn’t possibly be that simple…could it?” But I can assure you, it really is. From jamming ideas over coffee to mentoring new employees to celebrating office victories, Ms. Clark understands just how hard it is for men to control their rabid, horny baboon impulses around the fairer sex, especially when they ask for help or advice or just be ladies in the workplace throw themselves at you in what such constant, obvious fashion. She’s designed The Rock Test to be fast, simple, and effective, in order to avoid confusion, embarrassment, and/or potential litigation. All you have to do is, as she put it: “offer them the same respect, admiration, and healthy dose of fear you’d offer anyone who could completely destroy you should you deserve it.” That’s not so hard, is it?

You’d think so, given the circumstances. That would certainly explain the recent rash of explosive, high-profile revelations of workplace harassment and beyond in recent years, from Bill Cosby to multiple project managers at Uber to, like, half of the higher-ups at Fox News Channel and beyond. Perhaps what’s required to put predators like these in their proper place at the office is not with The Rock Test, but rather with The Rock himself..?

Sure, there’s only one of him, and a gazillion of them. But I don’t think he’d have to suplex more than a handful of them over a stack of cubicle walls to get the message across. Given the rumors surrounding his possible 2020 presidential bid, I can’t think of a “Hearts And Minds” whistlestop tour I’d like to see more.


This was originally posted on Pink Elephants

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